Echoes

What would life be like on "the other side" of happiness? It's a place where the sun shines brightly without being too intense, where the night is not gloomy but the moon still brings a sense of brightness and where waking up in the morning fills you with utmost happiness. It's a world where words don't hurt but instead make you laugh, where tears are joyful rather than sad. I often wonder if such a life is possible for anyone, including myself. They say that every day is different, but I feel like I've been unfortunate enough to only experience fleeting moments of this kind of happiness. I yearn for days, months and years to be consistently like "the other side."

 Spiralling is when your thoughts multiply and your mind becomes cluttered, much like opening numerous tabs on your phone. You just can't seem to stop thinking. I become my own enemy in these moments. One day, I may feel unlucky in love and the next thought may be about my air conditioner malfunctioning for the tenth time. Then I'll think about not having achieved anything yet while another year passes by. These thoughts continue and I might even dwell on how the new shoes I bought turned out to be defective, making me feel like I wasted my money. The underlying theme of these thoughts is how unlucky I am.

 Have you ever done online window shopping where you save items to your favorites until you have enough money to purchase them? I have the incredible talent of collecting these random thoughts and storing them as favorites in my mind. This way, whenever I'm alone and not engaged in conversation, I can quickly retrieve them.

 

I started pondering why people spiral down. It often happens when we're at our lowest point in life or when we feel idle. However, I believe the most significant reason is not being heard or understood. Throughout our lives, we are constantly being taught by our parents, siblings, teachers, seniors, and bosses. But when do we actually feel heard? Unless you reach a certain level of importance in society, it seems impossible to be truly heard, even within your own family. It's crucial to be cautious, especially when no one takes you seriously and only superficially listens. This is even more unsettling because you believe you're being understood, but your words are falling on deaf ears. I've only recently learned the value of having a non-judgmental friend and a good therapist, but unfortunately, I have yet to find either. Perhaps this is just a rant, and you might skip over it and move on to something else before it even ends. Maybe you, too, have left me unheard.

Wholeness

When I say not everything is complete without him, I mean it. 

Like our  PTM without him treating us to ice creams,
even if our scores were average. 

A letter without him asking, "What do you want?"
even if the request was extravagant. 

A drive without him guiding us to uncharted paths,
even if he was exhausted from work. 

Shopping trips without him tagging along,
even if it wasn't his interest. 

Dinners without his charming demands
and our request for him to let us know before we start.

Lunches without him waiting for us,
even if he was famished. 

Our discussions flowed smoothly
even with his unrelatable questions,
yet we would still start over.

A table of gossips was dull without his poor jokes,
even though he would always be the first one to laugh.

Festivities without his captivating stories,
even if it was the 100th retelling.
They always felt fresh and intriguing. 

 Why? 

Because that’s our Baba
Nothing can go empty if he is around.
Everything is incomplete without him.
It will always be.
Because he completes us unconditionally.

Sailing together since '92

My Keeper

The day when I took her for a day out; Bombay

                         

 Adulting is hard! I was 10 when I wished to be 25, an adult earning and living life on her own terms. I wish to take back that wish and go back to when I was just 10, to tell her what adulting looks like and to wish more carefully. 

So my hitting hard becomes a lot easier with just the perfect timing of an “Eyyy” - a slang way of saying hello in our family. That’s her on the other side of the call. I could be having a bad day and her sudden morning cute pep-up quotes with little butterflies and flowers would just ease half the pain. That’s my mother and that's mom’s magic. There can't be a bigger magician or mentalist than a mother. She holds the power of your secret box. She can sense the hurt in your voice and the happiness in your shout! 

Where does this magic come from? I always wondered. It’s the bond that connected me even before I was born, which still holds us together. The unsaid things that were shared inside of me were spoken. We were bound to be best friends, isn’t it? We've struggled through ups and downs together and still do. But you know, amongst the secrets we shared, there’s something still unsaid. The part she doesn’t know too! 

Even a child knows what her mother is hiding behind those thoughts. When she looks at nothingness, there's certainly a worry for either one of us or a fictional scene happening. The thrill of seeing her smile when her favorite song plays and then realizing how deeply we understand each other through music is incomparable. Without us even realising , we continue to connect and provide solace to one another. We are each other's counselors ! When she sits at dinner with us, why does she get up last or wait for one of us if we aren’t there for dinner? Even if she has eaten, she would still be the last one to leave the table.Why would she hurt her hand and still cook birthday dinner without a frown? I might just have all the answers .  Because I've been with her before I was even born. That tiny bean knew right from the beginning. 

We play so many roles with each other but my favourite role would be of her BFF. I am her best friend and friends are forever secret keepers. Happy Mother’s Day BFF.