Echoes

What would life be like on "the other side" of happiness? It's a place where the sun shines brightly without being too intense, where the night is not gloomy but the moon still brings a sense of brightness and where waking up in the morning fills you with utmost happiness. It's a world where words don't hurt but instead make you laugh, where tears are joyful rather than sad. I often wonder if such a life is possible for anyone, including myself. They say that every day is different, but I feel like I've been unfortunate enough to only experience fleeting moments of this kind of happiness. I yearn for days, months and years to be consistently like "the other side."

 Spiralling is when your thoughts multiply and your mind becomes cluttered, much like opening numerous tabs on your phone. You just can't seem to stop thinking. I become my own enemy in these moments. One day, I may feel unlucky in love and the next thought may be about my air conditioner malfunctioning for the tenth time. Then I'll think about not having achieved anything yet while another year passes by. These thoughts continue and I might even dwell on how the new shoes I bought turned out to be defective, making me feel like I wasted my money. The underlying theme of these thoughts is how unlucky I am.

 Have you ever done online window shopping where you save items to your favorites until you have enough money to purchase them? I have the incredible talent of collecting these random thoughts and storing them as favorites in my mind. This way, whenever I'm alone and not engaged in conversation, I can quickly retrieve them.

 

I started pondering why people spiral down. It often happens when we're at our lowest point in life or when we feel idle. However, I believe the most significant reason is not being heard or understood. Throughout our lives, we are constantly being taught by our parents, siblings, teachers, seniors, and bosses. But when do we actually feel heard? Unless you reach a certain level of importance in society, it seems impossible to be truly heard, even within your own family. It's crucial to be cautious, especially when no one takes you seriously and only superficially listens. This is even more unsettling because you believe you're being understood, but your words are falling on deaf ears. I've only recently learned the value of having a non-judgmental friend and a good therapist, but unfortunately, I have yet to find either. Perhaps this is just a rant, and you might skip over it and move on to something else before it even ends. Maybe you, too, have left me unheard.