An idle mind is the devil's workshop

Home, Uttarakhand

My grandfather never used to keep us idle when I was a kid. 

He'd keep us on our toes. 

Help him plant a new litchi tree in the backyard of our ancestral home, or watch him create a new loofah out of our tree. 

He used to play with us, watch us dance, or simply watch us play outside in the sun. Getting hurt, crying, and then laughing again was our life's lesson. That was him—my Nana!

As I grew older, I did the same, never remaining idle. I kept myself occupied by attending theatre rehearsals, workshops, and simply hanging out with friends. The lessons changed: playing outside in the sun became a concern, big buildings replaced our little house mini inventions in the backyard, and dancing was no longer an in-house morning ritual but only with friends at the club. As time passed, it became more difficult to get hurt and laugh again. Then came a time when the entire world came to a halt. It took me a long time to realise that I was not the only one sitting idle. I soon realised that the little red devil was inventing its own mini-machines in my idle mind. The devil devised many things, including a piercing loofah that scrubbed my peace of mind, forcing me to listen to all those dark songs that all heartbroken people listen to at some point in their lives, and forcing me to stay in bed and not workout. I saw myself eventually planning how to fight everyone around me, only to end up crying and not laughing again.

Little did I realise that what Nana actually taught was not to keep ourselves busy and running all the time, but to slow down,  to maintain our mental peace and calm That tree was planted solely for the purpose of getting closer to nature and watching our little baby grow. Morning rituals were only intended to brighten the day. Inventions were created to help us express our creative side, live a more sustainable lifestyle, and appreciate the small things in life. He was teaching me to slow down the whole time. Now, whenever my monkey brain hits the accelerator, I try to slow down and remember the great life lesson he made me experience.

Phone a friend !

Every day was a struggle for her. She never saw the sun rise on her side. The light never made its way through the curtains, but her eyes yearned for it. The eggs in her breakfast were scrambled, just like her life. As she remembered her dream from the night before, the tea tasted bitter. Welcome to Lamika's morning.

She opens her window only to welcome the kitchen sounds of her nosy neighbour. 

Crows cawing, cars honking, and trains passing through her line of sight were common sights. 

In the last two years, she's learned a lot. 

Perhaps the windows are just a way to escape and see other people's lives because ours is never interesting. 

The lady juggling ladles and bowls is a true magician. That sweeper

 is burying all of our dirt beneath the carpet. 

Car washers are, in fact, cleaning up the shite and mess we've made of nature. 

Oh, and how could we forget the latest fitness craze? 

The fitness tracker band has become our new best friend. 

Because it cares more abut her than her friend. 

The fitness tracker band is our new best friend. Well, because it cares about her more than her friend Namita did and senses even her stress level, it calms her down with a notification.

A ping from an unknown number triggered a quantum leap in her life. She tried to remember, amusing herself by pretending to know her. It wasn't the lady's frail voice but the clicking sound she made while speaking that drew her to Binsar Lane.

Her daily visit to her small cottage for a relaxing ginger tea and a buttery scrambled egg made her forget everything. 

Aunty's stories about going down the stairs for water every day and playing seven stones with boys 

How they'd make a ball out of plastics and it would hit her so hard that her skin turned red in some places. 

Lamika's face and eyes twinkled with delight as she listened to her stories all over again after years.

It wasn't a phone call, a trip down memory lane, or the perfect tea and eggs-it was the first and last person to wish her a happy birthday.

Gerascophobia — What does turning 30 do?

School’s first exam; that’s me on the left and I am also my sister’s best friend (Pune , Maharashtra, India)

I loved (and still love) being a child . Like they say, never let the child in you die . But mine died a little every day when I was nearing 30. Being in Indian society and the field of acting in the Indian industry , a woman should never have wrinkles on her forehead or in her life. My very existence was threatened by the fear of neighbours asking your age and giving you the surprised expression of “Why isn’t she married?”, “When will she get married?”, “Do you have someone in your life?”, “What have you done up to now?”, “Do you want to die alone?” and so on.

You know what the terror of answering a relative’s phone call is like in our society. It is like standing on a merry-go-round where you are struggling to hold the bars and having nervous laughter with the increasing speed of the machine. Slowly, the person’s voice diffuses in the air, and the vision becomes blurry and fuzzy. Yes, that’s what the phone call does . The last question at every family gathering is “who are you dating?” or “what is the next job lined up now “ or “why can’t you just get married before we get old?”

Isn’t it funny that I’m not racing against my time but theirs? I chuckle because that’s what I’m best at when I have so much to say but choose not to. In all these years of growing up, we have faced exams time and again. Our school, our college, work, and now life. And every time I had to take any test , I would end up getting sick. Now I know why. It was the fear of failing and disappointing my family. In the course of life , we forget and lose ourselves to everyone around us. To prove your worth and your survival. But I still want to save the little child from her life’s biggest exam-”Time.

As a child , I would love playing dodgeball, not knowing that the very game would teach me all the tricks and codes of my life’s exam . So every time the quiz starts , I visualise the questions as a ball and dodge my way out with a smile. Sometimes it does hit me in the wrong places and hurts too much. But getting up again is what my parents taught me.

Doodling back then (1996)

Finally, my 30th birthday was approaching, as was the exam, and I was surprised that I didn’t feel sick! Are you aware of what makes you unique and special? It occurs when friends in your immediate vicinity tease you for still being a child. And, true to their words, I celebrated as my 10-year-old self would. I celebrated for the kid in me, pampering her with new dresses and shoes and with the best of cake and balloons, slowly turning up the volume of her favourite song, “Just the way you are” by Bruno Mars.

This exam will occur on occasion. It does not have a date or a schedule. Do not look for any disclaimer signs in life. We all have different phobias that we are taught to confront. That evening, as I watched the bubbles in the glass slowly disintegrate, I reflected that it is no longer about growing old for me. It never was, but the fear of falling off the merry-go-round was.

Maiden Voyage

Through the eyes of a solo traveller ; London bridge (2022)

As a little girl, I always wanted to earn my own money and do something for myself and my loved ones. I was raised in a disciplined Indian army environment where adventures, shifts in relations, and friends were normal. Our family travelled a lot . Be it vacations or just postings , I was accustomed to change and adjustments. Time flowed by, and so did dreams. But one thing that stayed constant was the wish to travel solo. 

It happened and never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that my first ever solo trip would be an international trip to London. A different world and culture altogether. The mirror buildings, where the faces of dreams and desires were visible clearly; the rush of passion in the streets; monuments of a thousand years still standing strong through years of experience. I have encountered the best of people who helped me reach destinations and escape my difficult times with just a medium size of coffee and a bright, warm smile. I never thought I was building memories of a lifetime . I decided to walk and see London because missing out on interactions with humans is not my thing. So I walked nearly 40 kilometers, which I now proudly brag about to my friends over drinks at parties. 

 Now whenever I feel low and weak , I quietly scroll through photos of my trip and remind myself of how strong I am and what a life-changing experience I’ve had . The little girl who always saw it in movies and wished for it has finally done it. I sip my tea and gear up for whatever life brings to me next with that thought. This will always be my favourite story, and I know now that there are many more journeys to be made.